Let's see... we had the first foreign terrorist attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor, we elected a Black president, we're having the worst economic conditions in something like 80 years. It's been a big one, this decade.
For me personally, I've had 3 big relationships, each of which has taught me a lot about myself. It's been a decade of long term relationships and very little time alone. But really, who wants to be alone? That's a question I ask myself a lot these days. I'm figuring out what it means to be single and not to feel alone (quite a feat, I think).
From the first, I figured out that as much as I consider myself a Feminist (with the capital 'F'), I can still fall into the trappings of an emotionally abusive relationship. I have the tendency to belittle myself and allow someone to dictate my behavior and happiness. I put myself in a subordinate position because I was blinded by romantic notions of self-sacrifice and the trappings of emotional blackmail. Wow, I still can't believe that it was me in that whole escapade. I guess without those relationships, you don't know how far you can fall. It was a great big black hole, that one. Just sucked me in and I couldn't find my way out for much much too long.
The second taught me that friendship and love doesn't equate a healthy relationship. It taught me that it's necessary to see someone for who they really are to love them in the right way. You can't will someone to be the person you want them to, no matter how clever you are at convincing them of it. I learned that compatibility and view of a shared future life is painfully but honestly important. It taught me that it's possible to love someone but that your paths still diverge and even reasonably good relationships should end when they're supposed to.
I'm still figuring out what I've learned from the third. So far, I think that I've realized that even if someone thinks they want to spend the rest of their life with you, you might not want to spend the rest of your life with them. It sounds so obvious, but when someone you care about and love tells you that they may say or do a lot of things that are "wrong," but one thing they'll never do is leave you...well, it's excruciating to chose to be alone instead. It's easy to say that the future is uncertain no matter how you look at it, but to toss yourself off the edge without a net is a whole other matter.
I've been lucky in a lot of ways. My path has led me to things that I love: restaurants, intellectual pursuit, yoga. Life has bestowed some of the most amazing friendships upon me. I continue to be in awe of the friends I have, how amazing they are, how it's possible that they love me as much as I love them. There are some remarkable human beings out there and the fact that our paths have crossed and intertwined are beyond me. It's certainly nothing I can understand with my head.
I'm working on saying "adieu" to the last decade and starting to look ahead. I've said goodbye to an awful lot of things. I've burnt the sage, I've ritualized the shedding of things around me. I'm looking at my new skin and wondering if it's thick enough to endure the decade ahead. I have a lot of hope. I hope that I will feel more comfortable in my skin this decade. I'm hoping that I'll be able to be my true self, or at least keep working diligently on getting there. I'm hoping that I'll be able to welcome change and adventure with an open heart, regardless of whether it brings pain or pleasure.
In the words of the Rolling Stones, "No, you can't always get what you want. No you can't always get what you want. No, you can't always get what you want, and if you try sometime you find, you get what you need."
