Do We Ever Outgrow Highschool?

Feeling like you don't fit in, worrying about what people think about you, trying to find your niche...these are all feelings that are normally thought of as highschool-age dilemmas. Vivian Paley, a kindergarten teacher at the University of Chicago Laboratory School and prodigious author on children and learning did a study showing that by the age of four, kids already separate themselves into a hierarchy of those who fit in, the ones who are included in games, who have the parties that people want to go to, etc. and those who don't fit in, the ones who can't play hand-ball with the other kids, lie to their parents about not wanting to go to parties, etc. Four.

I'd like to think that we grow out of this juvenile behavior. After all, I've definitely seen "nerd" become Gods in college when they find the right place to be. They go from awkward kids who study a lot to suddenly being the cream of the crop. Girls flock to their superior intellect, think their nerdiness is cute, see a secure future ahead, whatever. But is this just an illusion? Do we ever really grow out of the feeling that we're not quite cool enough, that other people are not-so-silently judging us and deciding that we aren't going to be invited to the party with the jumping castle or a real arcade version of Street Fighter? (Yes, I actually had one at my 16th birthday party.)

And doesn't this just continue on at work? No matter what kind of job you have, from the hippiest non-profit to the most corporate of law firms, it seems to me that hierarchies still exist- it's just the criteria that changes. And I wonder sometimes if even that much changes. There's still the undefinable "coolness" attribute. No matter where you go, there are always the "cool kids."

So what's a girl to do? I've never really wanted to be cool, I am even less interested in that now. But when people consciously or unconsciously develop a sense of exclusivity, it's natural to respond. It's how hierarchy works, they step on top of you in order to let you know that there is a bottom. Do I change my behavior, the way I dress, throw a couple of dinner parties? I don't think so.

So far, the only thing that makes sense to me is to enjoy the view from wherever I am. It's actually liberating to just understand that I am who I'm supposed to be. I'm going to treat people with respect and equanimity. I'm going to be a dork and a nerd.

I think it's the next "in" thing anyway. Just look at the kids on Glee.